View from the Hot tub #9

[At least for a while…heading for the tropics – a much different view down there.]

EVERYBODY’S HAPPY…if we understand each other. No?

If you read the last couple blogs you know I believe everyone would be happier if they not only understood themselves and why they do what they do, but also understood why other people do what they do. Essential if you want to be happy and thus successful in school, a job or career, much less than in life.

In education, nothing may be more important than the relationship between teacher and student. Wouldn’t it be cool if all teachers realized that the reason a student acts and performs the way he does is because that’s who he is. He hasn’t chosen that behavior, he is born with it. Same for “she.”

Likewise, teachers’ (bosses’) expectations are a result of who they are. Great lesson for students to learn and carry into their jobs and careers. If a teacher (boss) expects an assignment to be handed in on time or get no credit, or at least a lower grade (demoted or fired), that’s because that teacher (boss) expects the same behavior from themselves…not because he or she is ‘cruel’ or a tyrant. 

Another teacher (boss) might, not because he or she is ‘cool’ or lax, say it’s fine if it’s late -- IF it’s really good. Better late but good, than on time but rushed and poorly done. The former is an Analytical or Amiable…both expecting conformity to standard expectations and rules required to ensure fairness. The latter an Expressive/People-person or Driver… more concerned about process and end results. Neither  ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ The teacher is who he or she is and, we, without consciously trying, expect people to act the way we do. It’s how we validate ourselves.

Look at this conversation:

“I’ve been waiting here for almost fifteen minutes.”

“Sorry. First my brother called and then bad traffic.’

“My sister called. I said I’d call her back. I took into account the traffic. Why I was here on time.”

“Well, really I’m only a little late, right? Sorry.”


“Yeah, ‘a little.’ Who cares? Shit happens. I’m here aren’t I?”

So, who’s to blame? Is the one late an asshole or the one who’s anal? Both or neither? The late one is a People-person (“sorry”) or Driver (“shit happens”) and will frequently be late. It’s who they are and a People-person wouldn’t be upset if ‘Anal’ was a little late. The Driver shouldn’t be upset. An Amiable will be upset by the late person but won’t say anything…but it could ruin the evening (or more). The Analytical will call him/her on it. Could ruin the evening if a Diver responds wrong, like “Chill” (which he/she could get away with with another Driver). 

Would be beneficial if we learned this, if not at home, in school. If we can understand each other, why we and they act the way we do, everybody’s more likely to be happy: teachers/students, boss/employee, husband/wife, parent/child…

I’ll be happy regardless… with a new ‘view’ in Margaritaville coming up.